The Sunday morning service at a Christian church had just ended. I had just finished my mission as the pulpiteer of the day. My message had been about stepping out of the pulpit and pews and closing the gap of separation between our words and actions. Our lives should reflect a message of love and neighborliness that's evident on the mountaintops and experienced in the valleys. I left the pulpit and sat down in the back of the old bar that now serves as a church. Pastor Jimmy had just closed the service with a prayer when a lady in front asked:

There was a slight pause and a momentary collection of breath and thoughts before he responded. He gave the obligatory Biblical response that most Christians give regarding God's view of homosexuality which is negative. The Bible has several portions of references to homosexuality including Romans 1:26-27 from The Message:

Some folks jump on the anti-gay bandwagon with that verse and plaster judgmental bumper stickers on their hearts. Before they get too comfortable in their snugly fitting robes of haughtiness, they might want to keep reading through to Romans 2 also from The Message:

Two young ladies were sitting next to me in the back of this bar turned into a church. They listened in disagreement to the words of Pastor Jimmy. I remembered that during my discourse about showing love to everybody,  one of the girls made it a point to let me know that they were in a "relationship." Pastor Jimmy finished his explanation and began to wrap up the service. The girls next to me were shaking their heads in disagreement. I asked them if maybe there was a more excellent way than being gay?

"I was born a lesbian." Was the reply from the more vocal of the two. I asked her about her relationship with her father and she became a bit rancorous and said never mind her father, he wasn't in her life. She said she had a good relationship with her step dad. I asked her if she felt she struggled with abandonment issues. She said no and then added that all guys break your heart. I told her that it sounded like her emotional woundedness may have caused her sexual orientation.

In the natural order of humanity, it is a relationship between a man and a woman that promulgate the species. We talked about the natural way of humanity. I asked her a question: "Could it be that the natural love between a man and a woman is the true nature of humanity and a more excellent way of love?"

I have friends who are gay and people that I love dearly who are in gay relationships. I have told them that I could not love them anymore if they were in a straight relationship. My love for them is not dictated by their sexual orientation. Many gay people that I know have experienced emotional and or sexual trauma. Fractured families with missing or emotionally dead parents have caused children to seek the approval of the same sex. Sexual trauma is a wound that affects both gay and straight people. Unhealed emotional wounds caused by sexual trauma can distort the true beauty of sexual joy experienced in a loving relationship between a man and a woman.

Is it healthy to make a choice regarding sexual partners based on a deep and unhealed wound? Nobody, gay or straight should think about entering into a relationship unless they are healed emotionally. I always urge people to have a heart to heart chat with God about their sexuality. It is not my responsibility to convince or convert anybody to my belief system. The way I read it, the more excellent way seems to be the natural way. All relationships will struggle. Most people will struggle regarding sexuality in some manner. Healing through openness and honesty can be accomplished through compassionate, nonjudgmental listening.

You deserve the best in life. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. God picked you for first string on his team. Expect the best. Don't settle for a future life that may be dictated by your wounded past. We need to open up more compassionate dialogues with God and ask him to heal our wounds.
He answers prayer.

Thanks for your time. Go do something nice for somebody.

I remember the day I first met him at the restaurant in the Emerson School of Hospitality at 70 West Chippewa Street, which was part of the Buffalo Schools.
He told me his life story and I was chilled as he said he had killed 3 people and "They didn't even offer any resistance."
I can't imagine taking a life so it was hard for me to understand.
It may be hard for the families of the murder victims to understand why he was free.
Please rest in knowing that Jerry was doing his best to prevent more people from experiencing the tragedies that you have.
He was remorseful and repentant.
He was making a difference by teaching about brokenness and a more excellent way of life.

I introduced Jerry to my friends in the Niagara County Youth Bureau and he became a regular speaker during their youth events.Many organizations began to call Jerry although he still struggled to earn a living. He counseled, drove a truck and did handyman work. He always found time to talk to kids. He endured many attacks from folks who felt he should still be locked up but Jerry persevered. I remember one day in a Buffalo School where I had invited Jerry to share just a few moments of his story. The students were sitting in chairs in a cafeteria style room. He stepped up and showed a picture of his mug shot from the day of the murders. He said very seriously and forcefully: "This is a picture of me when I killed 3 people."  The effect on those students was eery. You could see them physically push their chairs back in fear. His story of how he fell to the lowest place a human can go is gripping. His story of how he rose from the ashes of his life is riveting. His story carries the truth of redemption. Young people quickly embrace the brokenness and restoration of Jerry's life.

On February 2, 2013, I left Buffalo, New York and headed towards Phoenix, Arizona to marry a lady who is a miracle in my life. I would be gone several weeks and I needed someone to step into my shoes as a Relationship Mentor during an After School Program in a Buffalo School. Only one name came to mind: Jerry Balone. I called Jerry and asked if he was free to talk to some kids. I don't think Jerry ever said no to the opportunity to reach young people since I have known him. He was happy to be able to speak to more young people with his life changing story. When I returned in late February, I asked the students what they thought of my friend Jerry. They all thought Jerry was a great guy. I asked them if Jerry was a bad guy because he had done bad things? They replied: "No, he's now a good guy who used to be a bad guy who did bad things." We talked about how people can change and grow as they become good people. Many of the students I talk to have parents in jail or just plain absent. Some parents tell their children that their Mom or Dad will never change. The message we give to children is: "We all have the ability to change ourselves."

Jerry spoke about not caring about his victims. As a child, he was continually victimized. As an adult, he believed that it was his turn to become the victimizer. This happens repeatedly to many of us who have been emotionally traumatized at a young age. If you carry the wounds of emotional trauma in your heart and soul, seek healing. Jerry's story of healing began when he gave his woundedness to God. There are many videos about Jerry that help tell his story. Please watch the video on the link below and share it with someone who needs to feel hope and experience healing.

On the day He died, I was going to write Jerry a check for $45 for his work with the children during my absence. If someone knows where I can send that check or to whom I can give it to who will use it to continue Jerry's legacy, please let me know. Jerry will live on through my words as I speak to thousands of young people in our Relationship Mentoring programs. I miss you Jerry. Jesus loves you and so do we.

http://www.cbn.com/tv/1428491929001

Thanks for your time. Go share some healing with somebody.

     Sometimes in life we unconsciously partner with adversity. Our heart may be in the right place and even our actions may be ordered by integrity. Still, there seems to be a residue of sadness when I reflect on the possibility of a more excellent way.

     Last week I was reading Pat Riley's book: "Winner Within." Pat is one of the greatest basketball coaches of all time. He was coaching the New York Knicks against the Michael Jordan lead Chicago Bulls. Riley asked his players if they knew which one of them would be selling Nike Sneakers that summer. None of them had a Nike contract so they looked confused. He said that there were many photographers taking pictures of Michael Jordan. They were hoping to catch a shot of Michael flying through the air with his tongue hanging out as he slammed the ball through the hoop over the head of a hapless defender. They would make about 8 million copies of that picture as they sold Nike Sneakers to people all over the world. Riley asked his team: "Which one of you guys will be the guy in the poster watching Jordan fly over your head?' The vision of being the poster boy was stimulating enough to cause the Knicks to rise to another level and beat the Bulls that day to even the series.

     I have been the Director of Youth With A Purpose Inc for almost 12 years. I have watched young people succeed and I have watched young people die. It's the dying part that gets me riled. I feel like I was the devils poster boy. I stood by one 14 yr old with my hand on his chest as he took his final breath. I was praying for another heart beat beneath my hand. The bullet in his head caused the bleeding to flow nonstop. Afterward the grief seemed to flow nonstop. It was human beings doing evil things that caused this young boy to lose his life.

     The devil didn't kill my young friend whose name was on my Father's day card that year. It was human beings who have lost the ability to value their own lives. If you don't value life, it's easy to take a life. If there was a satellite photo taken of me and the boy on his deathbed, it probably would look like I was the devils poster boy. A 14 yr old with a bullet through the middle of his head surrounded by shocked and grieving family members would look sad. There was I in the midst of them. Helpless, feeling hopeless and defeated.

     The life support had been removed as the hope of life was taken from the family through the belief of doctors. The bullet passed through the middle of the brain and neurological function was nonexistent.  They explain to you the process of removing life support and what will happen. Slowly the body will shut down as it cannot continue to beat and breathe without mechanical assistance. There are some moments of life that seem to last forever as you wait for death to carry a loved one into eternity.

     There is a new anger welling up in my soul as I think about being the devils poster boy. It may be that I could not have prevented this boys untimely death. It may be that I could not have prevented the deaths of many other young people. It may be that I could not have prevented the incarceration of untold numbers of young people who are now wasting away in the cages of penal institutions. I believe there is a more excellent way.

     I told a young man last week that I was not here to make friends. "I don't care if you don't like me. I'm here to point you in the right direction and help you survive on the mountainsides of life." As I told him: "Jesus loves you and so do I." He replied: "I know Jesus loves me but you don't. If you really loved me you wouldn't yell at me." As he walked out the door, I smiled and said: "The more I yell at you means the more I love and care about you and I want to keep you alive and out of jail."

     I don't care if anybody likes me as long as the devil hates me. I know Jesus loves me. Jesus loves you and so do I.