The Annual YWAP Thanksgiving Community Celebration is full of smiles!

MENTOR FORCE TIP of the DAY

Friday, November 29, 2013

Mentoring is for the Birds!

Birds don't wear goggles or bifocals when they go fishing. Did you ever wonder how a bird in the sky can spot a fish under water? I've never seen a bird with binoculars! Humans and birds see differently for many reasons. What gives birds the ability to see beyond the surface of the water when they are looking for a meal?
Birds have the ability to see in two types of vision called binocular and monocular vision. This means that both eyes can work together to see straight ahead or each eye can see independently of the other. A bird's eye takes up a larger percentage of space on its head than a human eye does. The retina contains different colored drops of oil. Each species has oil that allows it to see effectively for its own individual lifestyle. A sea bird will have more drops of oil which is believed to help it block the glare of the water when searching for food.
Several years ago I was helping to teach a youth group at a local church. One particularly exasperating young man gave us a years worth of stress in about 2 hours. I remarked to one of the other youth leaders that this boy was a lost cause. I said: "Some kids are just never going to get it!" The other leader nodded his head in agreement. We had both just written him off our "beyonder list." We could not see beyond his immaturity - that was very immature of us!
I went home that night thinking that I had a good day as I lay down in bed. All of a sudden a guilt bird started flying around my gut. The voice I heard was almost audible: "Who do you think you are saying that boy will never get it? You got it didn't you?" I began to remember how far I had come in my own life journey. I had given many folks a whole lot of stress while growing beyond my immaturity. I felt guilty and I learned my lesson not to write any child off of my "beyonder list."
Birds can see in cloudy, foggy and murky conditions in large part due to the oil in their retinas. The oil of compassion in a Mentors heart will allow them to see through cloudy immaturity in people. Becoming a Beyonder requires the binocular vision of seeing what's right in front of you and the monocular vision that sees the wider vision of the big picture of possibility.
How's your eyesight? Do you have the ability to see beyond your current situation? My Grandmother always said: "There are better days ahead." My Mom always said: "This too shall pass." They were both Beyonders who believed in brighter days

Chapter Twenty Two

 Are You A Beyonder?

    The horizon of life can be limited by the inability to see the great beyond. A prisoner in a cell becomes so accustomed to a life behind bars that they lose the ability to live beyond the bars.  That's why the rate of recidivism is so high. A high percentage of people who are released get rearrested and reincarcerated because they cannot see beyond an imprisoned life style.

    As a Mentor your task is to help someone "see beyond" and "go beyond." Creating a hunger in a child is the best way to motivate them. Removing demotivators (defeatist mindsets) is paramount in creating a space for hunger in the heart of a young person.

AID to MENTOR NAVIGATION Part 43

    As children age and advance in the educational hierarchy, we present them with greater degrees of complexity in the learning process. Cognitive development is unique to each person and will dictate their ability to reconcile emotional imbalances. A Mentor/Teacher needs to develop the skills to create a learning environment that is conducive to the emotional storms in a child's life.

    Picture a blow fish in your mind. The blow fish or puffer fish inflates itself as a defense mechanism against predators. The inflation causes it's spines to protrude further protecting itself. If a predator does bite the blow fish, it will either choke on the spines or it may receive a lethal amount of poisonous neurotoxins from the fishes body. The fish  represents a child full of stress and anxiety that engulfs almost every aspect of their being. Unless you create space within that child, your efforts to help them develop critical thinking skills may be in vain. A child will protect their heart by lashing out at perceived attempts to force it where it is not ready to go.

    A best practice in Mentoring is the ability to defuse emotional firestorms through compassionate listening. Make space in your teaching style to accommodate the emotional needs in your students. PMM or "Power Moment Mentoring" is simply defined as Mentoring in the power of the current emotional moment where the child exists. They cannot see beyond their current emotional state and neither should you. Help them to release anxiety before you attempt to teach.

AID to MENTOR NAVIGATION Part 44

    Birds don't wear goggles or bifocals when they go fishing. Did you ever wonder how a bird in the sky can spot a fish under water? I've never seen a bird with binoculars! Humans and birds see differently for many reasons. What gives birds the ability to see beyond the surface of the water when they are looking for a meal?

    Birds have the ability to see in two types of vision called binocular and monocular vision. This means that both eyes can work together to see straight ahead or each eye can see independently of the other. A bird's eye takes up a larger percentage of space on its head than a human eye does. The retina contains different colored drops of oil. Each species has oil that allows it to see effectively for its own individual lifestyle. A sea bird will have more drops of oil which is believed to help it block the glare of the water when searching for food.

    Several years ago I was helping to teach a youth group at a local church. One particularly exasperating young man gave us a years worth of stress in about 2 hours. I remarked to one of the other youth leaders that this boy was a lost cause. I said: "Some kids are just never going to get it!" The other leader nodded his head in agreement. We had both just written him off our "beyonder list." We could not see beyond his immaturity - that was very immature of us!

    I went home that night thinking that I had a good day as I lay down in bed. All of a sudden a guilt bird started flying around my gut. The voice I heard was almost audible: "Who do you think you are saying that boy will never get it? You got it didn't you?" I began to remember how far I had come in my own life journey. I had given many folks a whole lot of stress while growing beyond my immaturity. I felt guilty and I learned my lesson not to write any child off of my "beyonder list."

    Birds can see in cloudy, foggy and murky conditions in large part due to the oil in their retinas. The oil of compassion in a Mentors heart will allow them to see through cloudy immaturity in people. Becoming a Beyonder requires the binocular vision of seeing what's right in front of you and the monocular vision that sees the wider vision of the big picture of possibility.

    How's your eyesight? Do you have the ability to see beyond your current situation? My Grandmother always said: "There are better days ahead." My Mom always said: "This too shall pass." They were both Beyonders who believed in brighter days.

Thanks for your time.
 Go do something nice for somebody.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Mentoring & Blow Fish      

           As children age and advance in the educational hierarchy, we present them with greater degrees of complexity in the learning process. Cognitive development is unique to each person and will dictate their ability to reconcile emotional imbalances. A Mentor/Teacher needs to develop the skills to create a learning environment that is conducive to the emotional storms in a child's life.
  

          Picture a blow fish in your mind. The blow fish or puffer fish inflates itself as a defense mechanism against predators. The inflation causes it's spines to protrude further protecting itself. If a predator does bite the blow fish, it will either choke on the spines or it may receive a lethal amount of poisonous neurotoxins from the fishes body. The fish  represents a child full of stress and anxiety that engulfs almost every aspect of their being. Unless you create space within that child, your efforts to help them develop critical thinking skills may be in vain. A child will protect their heart by lashing out at perceived attempts to force it where it is not ready to go.

          A best practice in Mentoring is the ability to defuse emotional firestorms through compassionate listening. Make space in your teaching style to accommodate the emotional needs in your students. PMM or "Power Moment Mentoring" is simply defined as Mentoring in the power of the current emotional moment where the child exists. They cannot see beyond their current emotional state and neither should you. Help them to release anxiety before you attempt to teach.

Thanks for your time.
 Go do something nice for somebody.

   Chapter Twenty One
Poser or Pauser

          Posing as someone you are not represents a theft of potential. Pausing to meditate upon the possibilities created by your actions is a personal antitheft device. Posers are counterfeit people who will take credit for your strengths and point fingers at your weaknesses. Pausers help you reflect intelligently and examine outcomes before proceeding in the decision making process.

AID to MENTOR NAVIGATION Part 41

           Once upon a minute there lived a Poser. Nobody knew his real name; he pretended to be somebody new everyday. Each new day was filled with a new dream and excuses. The excuses would describe why the dreams on the preceding day had failed. The Poser knew nothing of perseverance; he was a fake and a fraud who found his self worth in stealing other folk's accomplishments.

           His favorite saying was: "You couldn't have done it without me!" He would brag far and wide about all the people who were a success due to his accomplishments in their lives. His real goal, unspoken even to himself, was helping people fail so he wouldn't be alone in his own failures. His self esteem was lowered with each new failure.

           One day he was helping a student who wanted to become a Doctor. The student was struggling and wanted to quit. The Poser urged the young person to quit because that was something that Poser's are prone to do. The Poser had once had once wanted to become a Doctor but he had failed at that too. The Dream of being a Doctor had happened before he became a Poser. A high school teacher had asked him what his dream was. When he replied: "I want to be a Doctor!" The teacher told him: "You're not smart enough to become a Doctor." He began to believe the discouraging words of the teacher, that was the beginning of his life as a Poser.

           He would dream a dream and then the words of the teacher would leech up from the depths of his heart and cast the dream away with echoes of: "You're not smart enough!" Those discouraging words became his best friends and he spread them far and wide. Eventually folks became fed up with the negativity of the Poser and banished him from their lives. He took up residence under a bridge. He spent his days collecting cans and bottles for redemption. He begged for money and verbally abused those who refused to donate to his misery.

The lessons from this story:
1.      Do not live your failed dreams through others.
2.      Encourage those who struggle to pause and consider the outcomes before quitting.
3.      Purge your heart from negative words spoken in your past before they do damage in the present.
4.      Be accountable, be encouraging, be disciplined - DON'T QUIT!

AID to MENTOR NAVIGATION Part 42

           One of the most beautiful and rewarding experiences in life is to see someone succeed after you have given them hope and encouragement. As a Mentor, Teacher, Parent, Friend, Spouse, Employer, Pastor, Counselor, Doctor, Neighbor or even an Enemy, do not expect to receive recognition and gratitude from someone you have helped. Do not take credit for someone's achievement no matter how much you have done for them.

           Success is always a matter of personal choice. You may have been the catalyst of that success but you do not own it. Gratitude will come your way in some form or another. The Law of Reciprocity will guarantee your gratitude receivership. The seed you plant must be free of its connection to you. A farmer lets go of the seed into the ground. You are a Heart Farmer who must let go of the seed of hope and encouragement into the heart of the person whom you are Mentoring.

           For everything there is a season. During the season of basking and glowing, please don't steal the limelight by taking credit for an accomplishment that is truly not yours. The fan in the stands bought a ticket, a beer and cheered the team on but he didn't throw a touchdown pass or kick the winning field goal. The Gold Medal Winner stands alone on the central podium after an Olympic victory. The victor usually gives credit and gratitude to a host of people who made the fulfillment of their dream possible. Somebody is always left out of the "thank you speech." Bask in the feeling of knowing you helped another human being. That's enough, your good deed will be returned upon you in due season.

           Pausing to give recognition is the fruit grown from the seed of pausing to make a good decision.  Thanks for pausing to read this. Go do something nice for somebody.

MENTOR FORCE TIP of the DAY

Wednesday, November 27, 2013 Let Go of Gratitude           One of the most beautiful and rewarding experiences in life is to see someone succeed after you have given them hope and encouragement. As a Mentor, Teacher, Parent, Friend, Spouse, Employer, Pastor, Counselor, Doctor, Neighbor or even an Enemy, do not expect to receive recognition and gratitude from someone you have helped. Do not take credit for someone's achievement no matter how much you have done for them.

          Success is always a matter of personal choice. You may have been the catalyst of that success but you do not own it. Gratitude will come your way in some form or another. The Law of Reciprocity will guarantee your gratitude receivership. The seed you plant must be free of its connection to you. A farmer lets go of the seed into the ground. You are a Heart Farmer who must let go of the seed of hope and encouragement into the heart of the person whom you are Mentoring.

          For everything there is a season. During the season of basking and glowing, please don't steal the limelight by taking credit for an accomplishment that is truly not yours. The fan in the stands bought a ticket, a beer and cheered the team on but he didn't throw a touchdown pass or kick the winning field goal. The Gold Medal Winner stands alone on the central podium after an Olympic victory. The victor usually gives credit and gratitude to a host of people who made the fulfillment of their dream possible. Somebody is always left out of the "thank you speech." Bask in the feeling of knowing you helped another human being. That's enough, your good deed will be returned upon you in due season.

Thanks for your time.
 Go do something nice for somebody.

MENTOR FORCE TIP of the DAY

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Honest Transparency         

Some folks are always trying to impress other folks. A Mentors job is not to impress your Mentee with your worldly wisdom.

"Honest transparency will reveal the fact
 that you are just a person who has 
learned from their mistakes."

Thanks for your time.
Go do something nice for somebody.

Chapter Twenty

 Worship (not Warship)

It seems like everyday there is a new religion in the world. Yesterday I read an article that estimated that there are over 4,200 different religions in the world. Just for the record, the label that would most aptly describe who I am is Christian. I really don't like that description because it does not educate somebody regarding my faith and beliefs. The world's history is full of animosity created at the bloody hands of religious zealots, extremists and terrorists. As a Mentor it is not your job to convert anybody. You must accept everyone as they are uncritically.

AID to MENTOR NAVIGATION Part 39

Mother Teresa was a pretty famous self sacrificing lady who demonstrated her faith through acts of love. She loved the lepers and impoverished folks in Calcutta. She accepted everybody equally, she loved everybody equally. An unconscious leper lying in the street did not have a religious label on his forehead. My favorite Mother Teresa quote is this:

“I used to think it was my job to convert people, it’s not. My job is to love people, love will do the converting.”

Your job as a Mentor is to love people.
Sharing your particular religious faith for informational purposes is perfectly acceptable. Inviting your Mentee to your religious service is acceptable. If they refuse any of your invitations, you need to refuse to be offended. Coercion of any form is not acceptable. Using force whether it's physical, emotional or verbal will result in resentment. You are a guide not a prison guard.

AID to MENTOR NAVIGATION Part 40

In a recent class at Erie Community College in Downtown Buffalo, New York, we spoke about religion. I like to start the class with a brief explanation about acceptance, segregation and hypocrisy. My remarks sounded like this:

"I don't care what your religious belief or lack of belief is. I respect all of you equally. I love all of you equally. It doesn't matter if you are Hindu, Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, spongebobology or any other form of religion. If I have a Muslim neighbor kneeling on his prayer rug, I will get down and pray with him. We may not be praying the same way but I still love him. If my other neighbor is an atheist, I'm still going to cut her lawn if she needs help. Accept people for who they are and don't start a war over who you think they should be."

The sad part about religion is the part of taking God out of schools. Religion is a part of history and yet fear has dictated the removal of "God discussions" in many classrooms. In most cases, the students accept that we are all different. They accept an explanation about treating everyone equally. It's usually an adult who complains to the administration that somebody dropped the "G-bomb." (They said God!) Children are naturally inquisitive. It seems like society attempts to be more inclusive by creating greater segregation.

Building honesty and trust through acceptance is the key ingredient in a successful Mentoring program. If your discussion offends someone then stop. Hopefully if you have a religious belief, it is one that unconditionally loves all people. Let your actions dictate a description of your love.

MENTOR FORCE TIP of the DAY

Monday, November 25, 2013
Mentoring Skills - Feeding Needs         

          As a Mentor, one of the first steps in building a relationship with a young person is needs identification. You will not be able to meet every need that your Mentee has. Your task is to partner with as many people and organizations to help meet those needs.

          The following list is from Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. You may not have to spend time going through the whole list with each person; some people have enough food. The list is just a primer to get your heart thoughts focused on the person you are Mentoring. Please note that all people are individualistic and unique in prioritizing their needs.


As a Mentor, you may have to start any of the different levels. I have met many children who need food, feel like their lives are threatened, are abused, or feel worthless. Feed the need.

Thanks for your time. 
Go do something nice for somebody.