The Fear of Abandonment Can Cut Off True Friendships
Fog on a mountain obscures your vision. If the fog gets too thick you may have to cut off your plans to reach the top of the mountain. Many folks have experienced abandonment in personal relationships. It usually starts in childhood where one or both parents skip out on their parenting responsibilities.
Abandonment in childhood can cause an emotional fog to form as it creates a fear of close relationships. As the child grows into adulthood, the fear becomes irrational and they begin to believe all people will eventually abandon them. That's like saying all mountains will have fog and all mountain treks will have to be aborted.
I'm not a psychologist, but I have the experience of being an inner-city youth pastor for over 20 years. Many young people will allow you to get so close and then they push you away. They get a sick feeling in their gut when you get too close. They start to think of all the other people who got so close and then left them. Fear takes over and they start to sabotage the relationship. Instead of working through the fog, or waiting for it to clear, they enter into the "fight & flight" stage.
It takes an enormous amount of commitment to work your way through the abandonment fog. You most likely will experience some pain, but try and remember where the pain is coming from. The root is fear and it's not about you.
My best advice is to hang in there with compassion as long as you can (and it's safe to do so.) Do your best to make the person feel worthy of being loved. Let them know you will never leave them or forsake them. Make them aware of the abandonment fog. Some folks will cut you off entirely. It will hurt, but remember - "It's Not About You!" Explain what you know about abandonment issues and be patient.
DAY ONE WORD (You Are Worthy of Love!)
So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. - Genesis 1:27
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. -Psalm 139:13-16
And those who know Your name [who have experienced Your precious mercy] will put their confident trust in You,
For You, O Lord, have not abandoned those who seek You. Psalm 9:10 Amplified Bible
DAY ONE PRAYER
God I thank You for the fog you put in my life. It makes me slow down or stop. It causes me to be still and know You are God. Too many folks feel unloved and unworthy of being loved. Abandonment and rejection have been their only family. Give us eyes to see each other the way You see us - made in Your image and likeness. We can never do enough to earn Your love. You freely love us. Help us to freely love others without worrying about how long they will be in our lives. Only you know the future. Help us to live as if the future is short and love each other in greater ways on all of our days. Amen.
DAY ONE DEEP THOUGHTS
1. Know Your Childhood - Examine your upbringing and acknowledge any abandonment issues you might have.
2. If you are dealing with someone who might push you away, make a decision to forgive before the hurt happens.
3. Always Be Ready To Be Blessed! "Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you." Matthew 5:11-12 NKJV
Abandonment in childhood can cause an emotional fog to form as it creates a fear of close relationships. As the child grows into adulthood, the fear becomes irrational and they begin to believe all people will eventually abandon them. That's like saying all mountains will have fog and all mountain treks will have to be aborted.
I'm not a psychologist, but I have the experience of being an inner-city youth pastor for over 20 years. Many young people will allow you to get so close and then they push you away. They get a sick feeling in their gut when you get too close. They start to think of all the other people who got so close and then left them. Fear takes over and they start to sabotage the relationship. Instead of working through the fog, or waiting for it to clear, they enter into the "fight & flight" stage.
It takes an enormous amount of commitment to work your way through the abandonment fog. You most likely will experience some pain, but try and remember where the pain is coming from. The root is fear and it's not about you.
My best advice is to hang in there with compassion as long as you can (and it's safe to do so.) Do your best to make the person feel worthy of being loved. Let them know you will never leave them or forsake them. Make them aware of the abandonment fog. Some folks will cut you off entirely. It will hurt, but remember - "It's Not About You!" Explain what you know about abandonment issues and be patient.
DAY ONE WORD (You Are Worthy of Love!)
So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. - Genesis 1:27
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. -Psalm 139:13-16
And those who know Your name [who have experienced Your precious mercy] will put their confident trust in You,
For You, O Lord, have not abandoned those who seek You. Psalm 9:10 Amplified Bible
DAY ONE PRAYER
God I thank You for the fog you put in my life. It makes me slow down or stop. It causes me to be still and know You are God. Too many folks feel unloved and unworthy of being loved. Abandonment and rejection have been their only family. Give us eyes to see each other the way You see us - made in Your image and likeness. We can never do enough to earn Your love. You freely love us. Help us to freely love others without worrying about how long they will be in our lives. Only you know the future. Help us to live as if the future is short and love each other in greater ways on all of our days. Amen.
DAY ONE DEEP THOUGHTS
1. Know Your Childhood - Examine your upbringing and acknowledge any abandonment issues you might have.
2. If you are dealing with someone who might push you away, make a decision to forgive before the hurt happens.
3. Always Be Ready To Be Blessed! "Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you." Matthew 5:11-12 NKJV
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